


Hey, June

by austinbarry



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, One Shot for now?, Post-Free! Dive to the Future, Set in the midst of COVID-19 pandemic, slightly nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/austinbarry/pseuds/austinbarry
Summary: It was just a day; a simple birthday, but Haru couldn’t explain why it made him feel so uneasy. He couldn’t explain a lot of things about himself as the month of June stared him right in his face.Maybe it was nothing, and he was overthinking things. Maybe it was just a fleeting feeling. Or maybe...
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Hey, June

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ebonynemesis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebonynemesis/gifts).



> This is a gift to the wonderful ebonynemesis! I hope you like it! I’m sorry for sending a little bit late to Haru’s actual birthday, but still, happiest birthday to our Haru-chan!

To the rest of the world, Haruka Nanase’s bedroom probably looked like a regular one. It had a bed, a dresser, a desk and a table in the middle. It was cozy, with carpeted floors and thick curtains that dimmed the city lights outside. The pillows were soft, and his comforter was newly washed and dried. It would be a heavenly sight to those who exhausted every last ounce of their energy tackling the tumultuous city of Tokyo—a sanctuary even. But not to Haru, to say the least, especially with the sound of a clock ticking being as loud as the city in his mind. A few more ticks and it would mark the end of May, and would begin the— _tick_.

_1st of June_

Much to his chagrin, the clock struck midnight. Haru had been uneasy for the last hour, lying in his bed and glancing to and fro the clock and the ceiling.

“Just go to sleep already,” he thought to himself over and over, but each time he did, his heart grew wearier. He proceeded to bury himself underneath his comforter, to which after all he heard was the sound of his own breathing and his rapid heartbeat while his vision was clouded in darkness. He was suffocating, but not because of his comforter, but it was because the month of June had shown its face to Haru once more, and at the very end of this month was the day of his birth.

Haru was never really fond of his birthday, though not many people knew about it. The people who did know about it all thought it was because Haru had deemed birthdays unnecessary; a “whatever, it’s just one day” mindset as Haru shared similar principles on other things. But no, it wasn’t any of that… or maybe it was? To be quite honest, Haru wasn’t sure of it himself. He just knew that it made him uncomfortable, and _god_ he wished the feeling would go away.

And it went away on its own eventually as life went on even if he didn’t want it to, but it went away differently every single time.

Haru didn’t notice it when Makoto Tachibana, his childhood best friend, had entered his room and slipped into his bed. Haru even forgot that Makoto was in the shower after they got too late into the night playing video games. He yelped slightly when his comforter moved upwards so Makoto could squeeze in, and Haru just knew that Makoto saw his strangled expression when he did. But his best friend didn’t say a word, rather he simply lied down next to him with a slight distance between their bodies. It wasn’t a grand gesture, but Haru’s emotions calmed down all the same. Makoto’s warmth quickly overtook the heaviness he was feeling. Haru’s hand reached out underneath the sheets, each thread of fabric feeling like spikes, until he reached the hem of Makoto’s sleeves. It was weird how a single piece of cloth could make him feel safe. But in all this, finally, Haru could fall asleep even if the month of June stared at him right in his face.

_2nd of June_

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and Haru was left alone in his apartment for a while now. Makoto had to go back to his apartment to get his leftover stuff so he could fully move in. Ever since the pandemic had impacted how the entire world lived their everyday lives, Makoto and Haru had decided to live together, and their parents thought of it as a brilliant idea as well. They shared resources and kept each other company in a situation where spacing oneself from another was required. To be quite frank, Haru and Makoto had been talking about living together since they were both in each others’ presence all the time anyway. Makoto worked part-time in the nearby swim club which resulted in him staying over at Haru’s whenever he got carried away staying to work overtime. Haru, on the other hand, always decided to stay over at Makoto’s whenever he wasn’t busy with his training. The circumstances might not have been the preferred one when they decided to move in together, but they made lemons out of lemonade.

Haru was glad that he wouldn’t be alone anymore, but he kept those sentiments deep down inside. He was sick of living alone. Ever since middle school, his parents hadn’t been around because of work. They trusted him enough to live on his own, especially since he had proven himself of being self-sufficient in household works; plus the Tachibanas always checked up on him. So when he was scouting a place in the city with Makoto and Kisumi Shigino—another one of their friends if Haru was feeling like calling him that—Haru didn’t feel worried that he would feel lonely. But he was wrong. The city was a beast; it overwhelmed him little by little. Maybe the pressure of becoming an adult who had their life together also contributed to that factor as well.

Haru used to quote his grandma’s saying: “When you're ten, they call you a prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person.” Once upon a time, he wished to be an ordinary person, but living in the city where no one seemed ordinary at all made Haru feel silly for thinking so. But what does it mean for one to be extraordinary? It was thoughts like this that began creeping up on Haru when he lived alone in the city, but when Makoto started slowly moving in, his thoughts slowly morphed to other things as well. To what exactly? Haru had yet to figure it out.

The sun was beginning to set when Makoto had returned. Even though it was summertime, he had chosen to wear a thick sweater, and with the face mask slightly closing in his breathing, Makoto was drenched in sweat. Haru merely smiled at this as his best friend put down a couple of his last boxes from his old apartment. Makoto cleansed his hands then proceeded to yank off his face mask, exhaling loudly from the heat. He then removed his cap, revealing his olive brown hair shimmering from sweat too.

Haru slightly chuckled, “I told you not to wear so much.”

Makoto simply smiled, and said, “I thought it wouldn’t be too hot today,” as he dropped the drenched sweater on the table. Haru smiled back.

What was Haru thinking about before Makoto arrived? He had already forgotten. He was now thinking of cooking mackerel for dinner since Makoto looked so tired.

_5th of June_

It was the first day when Makoto had fully settled down and when Haru’s apartment was no longer just his. The two had been busy the past few days deciding which stuff went where; which one of the appliances they were gonna use since they practically had two of each now. It was less chaotic than one would think, at least on that part by itself since Makoto conceded to not using his stuff at all. But it was exactly that which sparked their first ever roomie debacle. Haru was okay with Makoto’s concessions at first, until his annoyance built up on how his best friend was too giving. They were bickering at literally the last part of the entire move as well: deciding which towels to use.

“But I don’t want to fight with you, Haru,” Makoto chimed, a mixture of shock and embarrassment on his face. Haru had just pointed out that Makoto was still as wishy-washy as he was way back in the days of their childhood. He got fed up after Makoto decided to just use all of Haru’s towels instead of bringing out his own. He felt that Makoto needed to learn to assert himself more. Haru would have thought that living in a bustling city would toughen up Makoto a little bit, but he was proven wrong.

They were near the door of the bathroom, by the kitchen countertops. Haru’s towels remained in the bathroom racks while Makoto’s was in a box with a “To Storage” label plastered on the side. 

“We’re not fighting. I just want you to—“ Haru took a breath before continuing, “—feel like you have a presence in this apartment since it’s both our place now.”

Makoto’s face softened when Haru said this, and the taller boy knew what Haru was really thinking; the pause gave it away. Their friends often thought that Makoto could actually read Haru’s mind, but these same friends also thought that was impossible. It was merely an easier explanation on how Makoto knew how to understand Haru so easily. The secret was all in the subtle cues. In this instance, it was mostly on the pause. Haru wanted Makoto to assert his part-ownership of this place or at least that was the surface—the facade. Makoto knew that deep down, Haru wanted him to not make him feel like it was still his place and that Makoto was just staying over only to leave in the morning.

“Haru,” Makoto said ever so softly to Haru who refused to look at him. “I think we should use my towels instead since they’re a bit bigger than yours, right?” He then smiled, eyes closed, and a slight tint on his cheeks. Haru finally stared back with wide eyes, eliciting a soft sound of approval after. “And I think we should use a couple of my pillows as well, now that I’ve thought about it again. They’re softer!” Makoto added with a chipper, tightly hugging one of his pillows that was on one of the boxes.

This time, Haru’s lips tugged slightly. “Do whatever you like,” Haru said, but not in a dismissive way. It was that type of tone that made Makoto see sunshine in Haru’s little smile. It was a rare sight, and Makoto savored all of it in his own silent way.

Though if Makoto was being honest that time, there was one subtle cue that bothered him, even if they resolved their little conflict. Haru had yet another strangled expression on his face as soon as he paused. At first, Makoto simply thought it was because Haru was annoyed, but then he remembered how his best friend looked when he lifted up the sheets to join him in bed a couple of days ago. It bothered Makoto deeply now that he was thinking about it.

So as soon he finished neatly putting his towels on the bathroom racks, he walked out and saw Haru by the stove, preparing their dinner for the night.

Makoto didn’t know what to say exactly, but he knew if he didn’t bring this up now, he would regret it. “Haru,” his voice called out, but the raven-haired boy remained focused on his cooking. Makoto was sure that he was heard, so he continued by asking, “Are you okay?”

Haru visibly froze for a split-second, but Makoto caught it, which worried him even more. But in another split-second, Haru was back to his usual unbothered demeanor, though he didn’t look at Makoto when he answered, “Of course. We didn’t do too much today, anyway.”

The olive-haired boy knew his best friend was trying to dismiss the conversation, and he could only sigh at this. Maybe it wasn’t wise to push Haru about the matter. After all, it could be nothing, right? Maybe Haru was just having an off day. With that thought, Makoto attempted to relax a little bit, though he was still bothered. The best he thought he could do at the time was keep an eye on Haru.

Makoto took a deep breath, convincing himself that everything was alright, then joined Haru in the kitchen.

_9th of June_

“Wow! This place has completely transformed, huh!?” Nagisa Hazuki’s booming voice spread throughout the whole room as he and Rei Ryugazaki walked in. Makoto only chuckled at his younger friend’s reaction, especially when Nagisa started to poke around his little blonde head all over the nooks and crannies of the now-shared apartment.

“Indeed. Before Makoto-senpai moved in, Haruka-senpai’s place was very minimalistic,” Rei stated. “Makoto-senpai has clearly left his mark even after such a short time,” he added as he respectfully viewed the homier apartment. Makoto appreciated that side of Rei, though he was awfully entertained by Nagisa’s “no boundaries” attitude as well.

The place did change a lot, as it was to be expected. Rei was right, Haru’s apartment was as simple as it got before Makoto moved in. It was well-kept; everything was at its place and everything was so tidy that one could probably mistake it as one of those model apartments one would see when they scout for their own place. Makoto at heart was a homey person, and it reflected when Haru’s dinnerware started to have a little bit more color, or when Makoto’s curtains lit up the place well during sunrise. Haru even started to feel it himself when Makoto was putting up pictures of his little brother and sister at their coffee table. Most people come to the city looking for a place to simply sleep, shower, and eat in then go out and brave the world another day. Haru did find a place like that, but Makoto made it feel like they were back in their hometown.

Haru was standing in front of the bathroom door as he finished up drying his hair. He could hear all the antics of Nagisa and Rei outside, but his mind was more focused on how his hair smelt like Makoto’s since he “accidentally” used his shampoo. He couldn’t help but feel a little bit warm inside when the towel he was using to dry his hair also had Makoto’s scent on it. It was these little things that made Haru finally feel like his home was actually his home and not a place to recharge as if he were a robot.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa yelled as he was knocking on the bathroom door, completely interrupting Haru’s train of thought. “I hope it’s alright that Rei-chan broke your can opener. He said he’d replace it!”

“Nagisa-kun, you liar! _You_ broke it!” Rei’s voice filled the bathroom.

“Now, now, guys…” Makoto tried to intervene. Haru knew that he just wanted to have a peaceful dinner night with friends, but now he felt probably silly for thinking that since this was Rei and Nagisa.

“You have no proof and I already told Haru-chan!” Nagisa replied with a giggle, and Haru could see the sly little smile on his face.

Haru merely chuckled at all this. His two younger friends helped a lot too in making him feel like home, especially when they were all in one place like this again. Nagisa and Rei had decided to go to university here in Tokyo as well after they graduated, and now they had more time and opportunities to hang out like the old days. They often reminisced about their little high school swim club days and how they built it from the ground-up; how even if they never won a National title, they still found victories in the bonds they formed with the time they spent growing together. They could tell those stories a hundred times, and they would never ever get tired of it.

Indeed, these idiots were Haru’s home away from home.

During their dinner, it was as lively and entertaining as Haru had predicted it to be. Even in the midst of a pandemic, Nagisa was a ball of sunshine, and his energy was contagious. It was so contagious that Haru was pretty sure Rei was a lot more reserved and cool when they first met him in high school, now he was almost as animated as the blond right next to him—and to think they were only talking about their commute to Haru and Makoto’s apartment. Only Nagisa and Rei could make a boring city commute sound like an entire adventure, and Makoto appreciated their brightness, especially when he saw Haru being so engrossed about Nagisa’s tale about how crossing the street was like crossing a rickety hanging bridge when in fact it probably was just a normal walk across the pedestrian crossing lane. You really had to appreciate their imagination for a bunch of people already in their twenties.

“And then that’s how we got here at your place, Haru-chan, Mako-chan,” Nagisa finally finished their tale with a big wide smile then proceeded to take a big bite of the udon Rei had brought for dinner.

“Ah, how has it been living together, Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai?” Rei asked after he downed a glass of water, mouth dry from talking way too much.

Makoto smiled, saying, “It’s been great. It beats being alone at my old apartment. Right, Haru?”

Haru merely nodded, enjoying his salted mackerel. “Makoto’s a bit of a cover hog, though.”

“Eh!? Haru!? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?” Makoto panicked, shaking his best friend who was unfazed by it. “Should I get my own blanket then? Maybe I should.”

“It’s fine,” Haru replied, taking another bite of his food. Rei and Nagisa only chuckled at this; their senpais hadn’t changed at all.

The night dipped on, and eventually, Rei and Nagisa had to leave. By the door, they were exchanging goodbyes, until Haru walked up and offered Nagisa a face mask. “Thank you, Haru-chan!” The younger boy said gratefully, smiling sincerely before putting it on.

“It was indeed a fun night, Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai,” Rei declared, bowing his head slightly in respect. “I hope we do it more often!”

Then Haru stared back and forth at his two kouhais, suddenly sporting a frown. He wasn’t sure where it came from, the sadness, but his heart started to feel heavier and heavier as Rei and Nagisa looked more and more prepared to leave. He couldn’t say a word to them, however, even as they were waving goodbye as they started to be farther and farther away from the front door. He wanted to say something— _he needed to_.

“Rei, Nagisa!” Haru yelled, taking Makoto by surprise. The two younger men stood still, confused at their senpai’s sudden outburst. Haru felt embarrassed, not realizing how loud he was, but he was at the point of no return, so he simply followed with a sincere, “Stay safe, okay?”

Nagisa and Rei looked at each other, then smiled. It was rare for their Haruka-senpai to be so expressively caring, and the former couldn’t handle it and ran back to give Haru a tight hug.

“We will, Haru-chan,” Nagisa said as he pulled away, magenta eyes glimmering from emotion. “You take care of yourself, too, okay?”

Haru’s lips tugged, nodding solemnly. 

He watched with his heart warm as Nagisa and Rei faded away in the distance. When they were completely gone, Makoto watched as Haru closed the door gently then leaned against it as he stared at the floor with a melancholy expression.

The taller boy was about to open his mouth to say something, but Haru had beaten him to the punch. “I’m fine, Makoto,” Haru said lowly, almost inaudibly.

“I’m just worried, Haru,” Makoto confessed, walking over to him to place a hand on his shoulder, but Haru had already walked past him to clean up the rest of the dirty dishes.

“Don’t be,” Haru stated, words full of conviction. Makoto could only stay silent and help clean up afterwards.

It was a simple request on Haru’s end, but it felt like an ordeal to Makoto, especially since the blue-eyed boy still fell asleep by clutching onto his shirtsleeve so tightly. He even did it again that same night. How could Makoto not worry?

_14th of June_

Though it was safer to stay at home, Makoto and Haru still had to go out to buy essentials. Today was the day they decided to go out and buy groceries. Makoto had been staring at their cart full of mackerel in disbelief for the past three minutes, then his confusion was even more heightened when Haru came back with more of them—in cans this time!

“Eh, Haru? Isn’t that too much mackerel?” Makoto asked, treading carefully. It was harder for Makoto to read Haru with a facemask on his mouth, so he had to rely solely on Haru’s eyes.

Haru stared down. “But this one has different sauces,” he explained, referring to the cans he was protectively hugging in his chest. Granted, the ones already in the cart were fresh ones, but Makoto still thought it was too much.

“How about this: we can have some of both of these mackerel, but we take something else as well?” Makoto offered, staring intently at how Haru would react. “We can have some vegetables in replacement. Or maybe some chicken?”

Haru didn’t reply, still keeping the cans of mackerel close to him. Makoto really had a harder time reading Haru than normal. Now they were just standing in the middle of the frozen fish section of the grocery store, and if it dragged on any longer, there was no doubt that Makoto was going to concede again. To put it simply, Makoto could not stand Haru when he was avoiding eye contact because he was being “threatened” to not get what he wanted. Makoto didn’t like that look on Haru’s face at all, he only wanted what Haru wanted. But he also knew that Haru’s mackerel obsession went overboard a lot, and quite honestly, Makoto didn’t have Haru’s stomach for it. It was fine to eat sometimes, but not all the time.

“Haru?” A voice called from behind Makoto. He turned around and saw one of their friends, Ikuya Kirishima, with a basket of groceries on his hand as well. “And Makoto as well. How have you both been?” Ikuya walked over to them, noticing the abundance of mackerel in their shopping cart, raising an eyebrow in response.

“Ikuya,” Haru greeted.

“Hi, Ikuya. We’ve been great, thankfully. Just in a little bit of a discussion,” Makoto politely answered, but he could see Ikuya’s confusion in his amber eyes.

“A little?” Ikuya asked for confirmation, giving another glance at the stack of fish. “Seems like a lot to me. A little too much, actually,” he pressed but in a deadpan voice that Ikuya seemed to linger in a lot.

Even so, it sparked a little fire in Haru’s presence even if Ikuya was just being himself. Most of the time, it was Kisumi’s job to press Haru’s buttons, even if, much like this circumstance, it wasn’t purposeful. Makoto and Ikuya took notice of this immediately however. Haru was a little mad, and it was easy to do so whenever it comes to mackerel. _Real easy_. 

“Ah, it’s fine. We are stocking up after all,” Makoto tried to ease the tension, to which Ikuya shot an apologetic look. “Right, Haru?”

Haru was a bit ticked off, and he wasn’t gonna lie about it. But another part which sort of made him stand still rather than lash out was because of the fact that he actually wanted to lash out. It wasn’t how he usually reacted, recalling the many times other people have annoyed him which only led to him dismissing it with a deadpan tone and a shrug. Where was the rage coming from? Haru didn’t hate Ikuya. In fact, they were good friends. Yes, they had their rough patches, but they got through those together. So why did Haru feel so angry towards him for such a tiny comment? It didn’t make sense, but he had no control over what he felt. Even when it started to pass and he calmed down, Haru still couldn’t forget the overheated feelings that boiled within him.

“Right,” Haru replied after an awkward pause, slightly ashamed for how he felt.

Makoto and Ikuya exhaled deeply, relief washing through them. The latter even caught a glimpse of Haru’s apologetic eyes, to which Ikuya simply smiled at. Deep down inside, however, he knew something was up with his friend, but he was pretty sure Makoto had caught onto it as well so it didn’t worry him too much. Besides, Ikuya was positive that there was nothing he could do to help Haru like how Makoto could.

“Oh, by the way, while we’re here,” Ikuya spoke up while all three boys were walking down the produce section. They decided to continue their shopping together since it was a rare occasion for any of them to meet up unlike the old days. “Hiyori is still stuck in America right now, unfortunately.”

“That’s too bad. I’m sure he would have wanted to be here with you instead,” Makoto chimed in as he was putting some cabbages and kale into their cart. Ikuya simply hummed in response.

“So with that, he doesn’t think he’ll be making it to your birthday celebration, Haru,” Ikuya declared. Haru tensed up at the mention of his birthday, but only Makoto took notice of this. “He said he’s sorry, but still wishes you a happy one this year,” he added, adding a splash of cheerfulness in his tone, but Haru didn’t share the same sentiment.

“It’s fine,” Haru replied, then walked farther forward than the other two, not looking back. He stopped, his line of sight directly at carrots, but Makoto knew he was staring out instead.

Ikuya then felt the return of the tension in the air. “Did I say something wrong? Is he not having a celebration this year?” His regular cool tone was replaced with worry. Ikuya was not one to make a lot of mistakes on other things, but he felt he was really messing it up today. “Was I presumptuous?”

Makoto shook his head, patting his friend’s back. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he reassured. “Haru’s been uncomfortable with his birthday recently.”

“I feel bad now,” Ikuya confessed, a sad expression on his amber eyes. “I never got that impression from when we celebrated it in middle school, and even just last year.”

Makoto stared back at him and smiled and dishearteningly said, “I didn’t too.”

Ikuya sighed, filled with regret. “Maybe I should just take my leave now, Makoto,” he declared, disheartened. Meanwhile, Haru had proceeded into another aisle further away from the two.

“Please don’t blame yourself, Ikuya,” Makoto tried to comfort the teal-haired young man. “I think I just pushed Haru a bit too much earlier with the mackerel and—“

“It’s alright, Makoto,” Ikuya cut him off, but with an understanding demeanor. “I think Haru needs time to himself anyway. He’s reminding me of how I was some time back,” Ikuya said the last part in a hushed tone, recalling how he pushed everyone away, including his own brother, when he felt so lost. It was a dark time in his life, but he felt grateful to his friends for picking him back up.

“I’m really, really sorry, Ikuya,” Makoto uttered, completely saddened. They hadn’t seen Ikuya in a while, and he deeply wished they would have more time to spend together.

“Don’t worry about it too much, Makoto,” Ikuya said, patting the taller boy’s shoulder gently. “Just keep an eye on him, yes?”

Makoto could only nod then watched Ikuya’s retreating figure. His attention was stolen by Haru when he put some cooking oil in their cart. He saw Haru darting his eyes around, looking for Ikuya, but when the ocean-eyed boy realized he was gone, he just shrugged nonchalantly. And for some strange reason, Makoto couldn’t accept that behavior. He wasn’t mad but he wanted an explanation. Ikuya was their friend and he deserved better treatment. 

“Haru, why were you pushing Ikuya away?” Makoto asked before he could stop himself, and his eyes widened when he caught himself.

Haru stood in front of him, staring into his emerald eyes piercingly. Makoto wasn’t sure what Haru was thinking. For the first time in a long time, he had no idea what was going on in his best friend’s mind. It scared him. Who was this person right in front of him? Makoto wasn’t sure. But in a flash, Haru’s eyes softened, and he was back. Makoto recognized this Haru, and he let go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“I’ll apologize later to him, Makoto,” Haru said in a hushed tone. “I didn’t mean to.”

Makoto could only offer his warmth by holding his hand tightly. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you,” he said softly. “Shall we finish up our shopping?”

Haru nodded, then they proceeded to walk down to the cleaning agent aisle. “I think it’s hot when you do that, though,” Haru whispered, remembering how his hair stood up when Makoto’s voice pierced through his ears.

“It’s a good thing we’re buying some soap since your mouth is filthy right now, Haru-chan,” Makoto replied cheekily as he dropped some bars of soap into their cart.

_15th of June_

It was around 4:00 in the morning. Haru was sitting on a dining chair, staring at an untouched cup of tea that had already gone cold. His sleep was shallow, even with Makoto right next to him.

Half of the month had come and gone, and the feeling he had been getting sporadically had come back again. It was his _damned_ birthday. Ikuya’s news that Hiyori wouldn’t be able to make it to his birthday celebration echoed in his mind, but it also gave him some perspective. Speaking of Ikuya, Haru immediately sent an apology text to him as soon as he got home to which Ikuya replied that he understood and he accepted his apology.

Their encounter in the grocery store, however, made Haru have a clearer idea on why this year he felt more dreadful as his birthday approached. It was partly because there was no reason for them to celebrate his aging up when the whole world was in turmoil. Recently, all Haru had thought of was his dream of reaching the Worlds. He still wanted all of that, of course, but a part of him thought that maybe he had been thinking too much about himself. Which was why the thought of celebrating his birthday at the end of this month felt so selfish to him. That had to be it. Maybe he would feel better if he started giving back.

That was the day he decided to donate what he could. So he got up, took out all the mackerel he had in his fridge, heated up his pan, and started cooking. There was a determined look in Haru’s face, almost like the face he made whenever he was attempting to finish first in his swim races. After Haru had cooked a dozen or so and placed them in disposable containers, Makoto came out of their room yawning with his hair all over the place. He was about to ask what Haru was doing until he saw the stack of food on their countertops. As he approached, he began to see the look on Haru’s face, which knocked him out of his sleep haze

“Haru,” he whispered, then snaked his arm around Haru’s waist from behind, burying his nose on his shoulder as he watched him masterfully cook his favorite fish.

“Makoto, make yourself useful and buy some boxes of bottled water down at the convenience store,” Haru commanded, not even flinching with Makoto’s sudden interactions. Makoto merely giggled at this and obliged.

The sun was about to reach its peak when Makoto and Haru had finished packing all the things they wanted to donate all around town. Makoto was downing a glass of water from exhaustion while Haru stood in front of the nearly a dozen of packed boxes with a look of accomplishment.

“How are we gonna haul all of this though?” The tired green-eyed boy asked, slightly worried at the thought of him carrying these until the donation centers.

There was a knock at the door, but before any of them could reach out and open it, their light pink-haired friend had already come inside full of energy. “Ya-hoo, Makoto! Haru!” Kisumi Shigino, Makoto’s friend since middle school and the bane of Haru’s existence sometimes, walked in. Asahi Shiina, another one of their friends since middle school, followed suit.

Haru should have locked the door, but then again, Kisumi shouldn’t be barging into other people’s places like that—even if he did help find them the said place.

“I called them up for help,” Haru said, starting to carry one of the boxes outside.

“Eh?” Makoto uttered in confusion and shock. “You willingly called Kisumi?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Haru interjected as he walked to Kisumi’s uncle’s pick-up truck which was parked outside, which was the main reason why he asked for their help in the first place.

“I’m surprised by that too,” Asahi whispered, then chuckled as he started carrying the boxes as well. “It’s great that you guys are donating though! My sister and I are donating tomorrow as well.”

“Yeah, it was Haru’s idea,” Makoto informed the two as they all started walking outside, following Haru’s trail. “I actually don’t know where it came from, but I’m still glad we did this.”

As Makoto, Asahi, and Kisumi reached the pick-up truck, Haru passed them by and walked back to the apartment to get more boxes. 

“My, he seems really energetic. It’s the same energy as when he sees a pool,” Kisumi commented, amazed at Haru’s determination.

Makoto smiled in relief at how Haru was, remembering how every night, Haru clutched onto him like his life depended on it. Haru hadn’t been entirely straightforward to Makoto on how he has been feeling lately, but Makoto had always been shut down whenever he tried reaching out and asking his best friend. Mostly, he wanted to respect what Haru wanted to do, so all he could do was keep a close eye on him, but another part of him hoped that the blue-eyed boy would open up to him. These feelings intensified even more when he had been noticing how Haru spaced out and stared into the distance a lot more recently; or how he sometimes had no energy to do anything. Makoto thought it was because they barely had any opportunities to visit the pool, but even when they did, he still noticed the sadness in Haru’s eyes. So seeing his best friend with the same fire he had when he was about to dive into the pool removed an extremely heavy weight on Makoto’s shoulders. He only prayed that Haru would continue to feel better.

Makoto’s prayers seemed to have been answered in a way, as Haru showed in his own small ways that he was happy, and Makoto saw all of them. He saw how Haru shook his head but had a happy expression in his eyes when Asahi made a dirty joke when they were driving to the first donation center. He saw how he was grateful to Kisumi for saving Haru from his awkwardness when they were talking to the staff at the center. He saw the inexplicable joy on Haru’s face when the frontliners received their donations. Haru even willingly took a selfie for Kisumi’s Instagram Story, and though their faces were covered in masks, the happiness and fulfillment were still felt.

The sun was starting to set when Asahi was driving their way back to Haru’s apartment after the four of them grabbed a bite. Kisumi was in the passenger seat asleep, while Makoto and Haru were in the backseat, staring at the city. It was a long day indeed.

In a heartbeat, Haru reached for Makoto’s hand. Haru stared at his green eyes and his lips tugged a little bit. Makoto smiled back, cupping Haru’s hand in his and traced circles on it affectionately. With this, Haru went back to staring at the city rolling through the car window, to which Makoto lightly chuckled at. Makoto knew that it was Haru’s way of saying thanks, but he was more glad and a little bit emotional even that there was not a trace of sadness in his best friend’s eyes.

“I’m proud of you,” Makoto whispered, making sure that only Haru heard it, then looked back into the city. It didn’t even matter if Haru didn’t catch what he said, because it still remained true. He was proud of him, not just for donating, but for perhaps starting to overcome his inner demons. Makoto still wasn’t sure what those were, but regardless, he would help Haru every step of the way.

But Haru did indeed hear what Makoto said, and it was now embedded into his mind, making a smile slowly creep up on his face as it replayed in his head over and over again.

_17th of June_

“Haru, please tell me what’s wrong,” Makoto begged, staring at his best friend eye to eye.

“There’s nothing, wrong, Makoto, like I’ve told you a million times before,” Haru said through gritted teeth. “Stop asking already.”

The joy and fulfillment they felt from a couple of days ago had completely come and gone; Haru and Makoto were fighting. The raven-haired boy had been irritable ever since this morning. Makoto thought Haru had a bad sleep, but his emotions had been clouding up their usually warm and sunny apartment. They were preparing for a movie night with Rei and Nagisa, but Makoto had noticed that the tiniest of things made Haru extremely frustrated. Whenever the too-big popcorn bag got stuck inside the microwave, Haru would make a disgruntled sound, when normally, Haru would just fix it silently. Another example from today was when the ice cubes flew up when Makoto bent the tray too much, getting a sharp lesson from Haru to be more careful and to be more knowledgeable of his own strength, when normally Haru would just sigh and clean up the mess. But their breaking point was the extreme surplus of cold shoulders. The two had barely fought before and were always happy and content in each others’ presence, so when Makoto had been getting curt and dismissive replies and distant stares from his best friend, he wanted nothing more than to find out why. It even made the taller boy Makoto remember how Haru always looked forward to movie night with a silent but sincere chipper in his step, now it all felt like a chore to both of them, and Makoto didn’t want to feel that way in their own home, so he went ahead and asked Haru what was wrong. And now they were here.

“But you can’t expect me to sit here and pretend like nothing changed, Haru,” Makoto declared, careful to not push Haru too much. “I want to respect how you feel, but I can’t shake the feeling like…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, because he wasn’t sure what was going on. He just knew that Haru hasn’t been much like Haru this past few weeks. He wanted him back so badly it hurt.

“We’ve been here before, Makoto,” Haru replied, tone still as dismissive as he set the movie up in their living room. “And we got through that together, so let’s just—“

“Yes, you’re right, Haru. We’ve been here before, and you were feeling upset about something then too, even if you said you weren’t,” Makoto interjected, having an extremely hard time holding himself back. “I’m just worried, Haru.”

 _“Didn’t I tell you not to be!?”_ Haru lashed out, facing Makoto with a cornered expression, but immediately regretted his actions and pulled back. There was an inexplicable pain in both their eyes, and Haru couldn’t take it seeing his best friend like that. He didn't mean to act out, he just—

A knock on the door snapped them out of each other’s disheartened stares. Makoto walked towards the door wordlessly, but Haru knew how Makoto felt. The green-eyed boy wasn’t the only one capable of reading their best friend. Haru knew that Makoto wished that he respected how he felt too. Now he felt so stupid and ashamed of his little outburst. But if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure where it was coming from. He wasn’t annoyed with Makoto, he was annoyed with… himself? It was all a blur in his mind, he couldn’t make heads or tails from his thoughts.

When the door opened, Nagisa and Rei bursted in with energy, clearly excited about movie night, but the look on their senpais’ faces quickly bursted their bubbles. “Haru-chan, Mako-chan, is everything okay?” Nagisa worriedly asked, clutching the bottles of soda closer to his body.

“Is movie night still on?” Rei inquired while carrying a couple of boxes of pizza, but was slowly lowering it with the uncertainty looming in the atmosphere. Even if they were on the rocks, their rhythm was still synced as they both started to liven up, for the sake of their kouhais who travelled the city in the middle of a pandemic.

“Of course it’s still on! We just had a little disagreement,” Makoto answered with a sincere and warm smile to his younger friends. It eased some parts of Nagisa’s and Rei’s feelings, but they were still very careful as they walked in, two pairs of eyes darting to and from the older duo.

“Good evening, Rei, Nagisa,” Haru greeted, as normally as he could, but all the same he couldn’t bring himself to look at Makoto.

Nagisa knew the two more since they’ve been friends since they were kids, and he took it upon himself to turn the night around. With a determined look in his face, it was obvious that the little blond boy was formulating up something chaotic in his head. At this point, not even Rei could stop him as a mischievous smile creeped up on his face.

“Ah, alright, alright! Let’s watch some Harry Potter!” Nagisa chippered, as lively as ever. “Come on, Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Rei-chan,” he said as he struggled to pull all three boys—who were definitely way bigger than him—to the sofa. He pushed them one by one to their seats, and pretty soon the three boys sat next to each other in the small loveseat.

“Eh, isn’t this a little cramped, Nagisa-kun?” Rei complained, finding it hard to get comfortable at the edge of the seat with Makoto in the middle and Haru at the other end.

“Hush, Rei-chan! All part of the plan,” Nagisa declared confidently. When all three boys were somewhat settled in their seats, Nagisa then dove into their laps which formed a perfect spot for his small frame. The three boys groaned at the sudden weight on their legs and knees, but adjusted comfortably since Nagisa wasn’t too heavy to begin with. “Such a comfy bed!” Nagisa commented, settling in rather comfortably. His head was on Haru’s lap while his hips were on Makoto’s and his legs were on Rei’s.

“Nagisa-kun, what is this behavior?” Rei asked, but allowed the antics to remain anyway as Nagisa pressed play. 

Haru and Makoto merely chuckled at this, but could not deny the awkwardness still lingering between them. It was maddening. They’ve been next to each other too much that it has always been comfortable, but with their unresolved issues, being close to each other felt like a thousand needles in their hearts. Halfway through, Makoto and Rei were deeply focused in the movie—who knew they were such fantasy fans? Nagisa took this opportunity to catch Haru’s attention by tapping his outer shoulder as to not accidentally tap Makoto as well.

“Is everything okay?” Nagisa mouthed, to which Haru simply tried to answer with a half smile that failed to convince the smaller boy. Nagisa shook his head to express that he didn’t believe Haru at all.

Haru sighed, knowing he couldn’t lie to Nagisa at all. They knew him too well. “It was my fault,” he mouthed, feeling guilty and ashamed as he confessed.

Nagisa smiled, admittedly thinking that their senpais were a little bit silly sometimes. “Then say sorry,” he advised inaudibly, as if it was the simplest thing to do in the world. 

Maybe in the mind of the younger boy, it was indeed exactly that. If you did something wrong, you should apologize. And Haru knew that, smiling when he remembered how smart Nagisa truly was underneath all his sunshine and rainbows. It was at this time that he had caught that he had been overthinking a lot for some time now. Thankfully, all he could think about now is how he wanted him and Makoto to be all good again.

Nagisa then gave him a thumbs up, encouraging him to apologize, then turned his attention to the movie playing and annoying Rei by “accidentally” kicking off his glasses so Haru and Makoto could have some time to themselves.

“Nagisa-kun, stop!” Rei begged, pushing Nagisa’s legs down.

“Ehe, sorry, Rei-chan,” Nagisa replied but kept doing it anyway, which led to a rather entertaining exchange between the two.

In the midst of their kouhais’ little chaos, Haru nudged Makoto with his shoulder, and the taller boy immediately turned his head to him. Haru could still see the sadness in his eyes, and he wanted that to go away now, so he rested his forehead on his shoulder then pulled away to place a light kiss on it afterwards, offering a sign of peace. He rested his chin on said shoulder, waiting for Makoto to press his forehead against his. Makoto smiled first, eyes glimmering from happiness, and finally met foreheads with Haru, their nose touching while they chuckled silently.

Soon after, they turned their attention back to the film. Haru rested his head on Makoto’s shoulder while watching wizards fight. His hand found Nagisa’s head and ruffled it, earning a satisfied giggle from the younger boy who had just finished tormenting his friend.

_22nd of June_

From the time of their last movie night with Nagisa and Rei, Haru and Makoto had been on two more donation drives since their first one from a week ago. The one they did this day was with their senpais Nao Serizawa and Natsuya Kirishima, the latter being Ikuya’s older brother. As thanks for volunteering to drive around town with them to donation centers, Nao invited Haru and Makoto back to his apartment for dinner, and the two simply couldn’t refuse any food from their Nao-senpai ever since the first time they tasted his cooking. It was simply immaculate. Haru could only hope to be as good as his senpai.

“Please make yourself at home,” Nao said softly with a sincere smile as they entered the apartment. Makoto and Haru politely walked in and sat down at the sofa while Natsuya sent his shoes flying throughout the living room and slumped down on the other sofa. Makoto yelped as he narrowly avoided being hit in the face with an airborne shoe.

“Natsuya-senpai, your left shoe almost hit me in the head,” Makoto said sheepishly. One would think he should be mad at almost getting hit in the head, but not the always sweet and forgiving Makoto.

“Did it really? I’m sorry,” Natsuya muttered insincerely with his face buried in the cushions, so his voice came out muffled. “Nao, do you still have any beer? Get me one, will ya?” he said in a bored tone, but gathered no response. When he lifted his head up, he saw his two kouhais frozen, and that was when he knew he did something bad. He tilted his head towards where Nao was, and he saw his silver-haired friend with a deadly smile as he presented the shoes he threw away in a neat manner.

“Sorry, _honey_ , we ran out,” Nao finally replied, voice sweet as honey, but Natsuya knew he was going to die out in the streets homeless if he didn’t do anything to appease this man. There was something poisonous in the honey, especially at the part where Nao said his name. It was legitimately scary.

“I-I’ll go buy some then!” Natsuya hastily declared, standing up in a flash and taking the shoes from Nao’s hand then yanking Haru by his arm. “Haru will come with me. Okay, bye!”

“O-Oi!” Haru protested, but his senpai had already dragged him out of the apartment.

Makoto only let out a sound of confusion at the events that transpired. His Natsuya-senpai had always been a wild one.

“Sorry about that,” Nao said with yet another one of his million dollar smiles. “Would you like to help out in cooking dinner?” he added, to which Makoto only nodded in response even if he had absolutely no cooking skills whatsoever. Maybe he would learn a thing or two with Nao, but recalling all his previous cooking lessons with Haru, that was a low possibility.

Meanwhile, in the streets of the city, Natsuya lead the way to the nearest store with Haru trailing behind. They hadn’t talked as soon as Haru had stopped protesting, so all Haru did this whole time was stare at his senpai’s back. This man may have been his former swim team captain in middle school, but Haru couldn’t deny that Natsuya was a little bit of a mess. Whenever Haru thought of responsible adults taking on the city, the first role model coming to his mind was Nao, and perhaps Seijuro Mikoshiba, a current teammate of his, coming in second, granted they were only a few years older than Haru himself. Natsuya, on the other hand, had been literally all over the place for the past few years, only using his talent for swimming for the money. That was until some time ago when Natsuya raced against his brother Ikuya. Natsuya had found some sense of direction ever since then. But for Haru, his senpai wasn’t quite there yet. It wasn’t a judgment, but rather an observation for he knew that his senpai could become the best of the best if he put all of himself into the sport.

At the store, Haru watched Natsuya carry four six-packs of beer towards the cashier, and Haru wasn’t meaning to but he had a deadpan expression on his face. Perhaps he wasn’t one to judge since he buys mackerel like Natsuya buys beer. However, immediately after, Haru was shocked when Natsuya put three of the six-packs in his arms.

“Relax, I’m not trying to be a bad influence on you. Nao would kill me,” Natsuya assured, a serious expression on his face. “I’m just asking you to return those,” he added, which confused Haru even more, but obliged anyway.

Back in Nao’s apartment, Makoto hadn’t been much help to his senpai at all. In fact, he was more of a nuisance, though Nao would never ever say that to his face. But it was due to that that Nao asked Makoto very nicely to just be in charge of cleaning up the things that he was finished using, to which the olive-haired boy happily obliged since he started to finally feel like he was helping.

While Makoto was drying up the utensils, there was a lingering question in Nao’s mind. See, he had been observing both his kouhais all day and noticed that Makoto was a bit distant with Haru. Nao recalled back in their middle school days on how the two were basically inseparable. At first he thought that maybe they just changed, until he seriously doubted his own thoughts. There was something wrong, but Nao couldn’t quite pin exactly what it was. But if there was one thing he had learned from all these years teaching children and taking care of Natsuya—who was pretty much a child sometimes anyway—was that communication was always key, so he just went for it.

“Makoto,” Nao approached carefully while he stirred the pot in front of him. “Are you and Haru alright?” 

It was instant; Nao felt the air shift and he heard Makoto stop in his tracks. He turned around and saw his kouhai staring into the distance, particularly at nothing, but Nao didn’t push for him to answer. He waited patiently, and if Makoto chose to ignore the question, he would respect that as well.

But Makoto did reply. “Nao-senpai, I’ve been worried sick over Haru for the last few weeks,” Makoto revealed, with devastation in his voice. “But—“

“He told you to stop, didn’t he?” Nao inserted, adding spices into his dish as they continued talking. “Typical Haru.”

“Nao-senpai, what do I do?” Makoto asked, feeling out of options. He needed his senpai now more than ever.

Nao chuckled, and strangely, it gave Makoto a sense of security; it was like he said that he should try to relax more, so he did by taking a deep breath.

“Have you asked yourself what you want to do, Makoto?” Nao asked, voice still as soft and sweet. “Do you want to help Haru, or do you want to give up on him? Are you getting tired? Have you asked yourself these questions?”

Makoto gasped at the thought of leaving Haru. He could never do that, not even if his life was at stake. “Of course, I wanna help him, Nao-senpai. It’s all I’ve wanted to do from the start,” he declared, feeling a bit of disdain from the thought of giving up on Haru. “From his world dreams to helping him decide which shirt to wear, I wanna help him every single step of the way if he would let me.”

“I apologize. I believe I was too harsh with some of my statements,” the silver-haired man said, turning around to face Makoto.

“It’s alright,” Makoto responded, mustering up the best smile he could. “But how do I help him when he starts pushing me away?”

Nao hummed, recalling instances with Natsuya when he was without a direction in his life. Nao was a very patient person, so handling the brown-haired man wasn’t too grueling on his part. But when he thought of Haru and Makoto, sometimes he saw himself and Natsuya. Both pairs have had a long history with each other, and one was more composed while the other was a bit on the unusual side. Before these thoughts continued, however, Nao shook his head to clear them away, realizing that Natsuya and himself were just Natsuya and himself; they weren’t Makoto and Haru, and those two were not them. They had different stories, and they were experiencing different lives.

So the best Nao could offer the confused olive-haired boy was, “If he wanted to truly push you away, you wouldn’t be together right now.”

Makoto looked up at his senpai, eyes of green still scared at the thought of him and Haru being separated. “What do you mean?”

“Haruka doesn’t want to push you away. I believe he’s the type of person who could do that in a heartbeat if he truly wished that in his heart,” Nao elaborated, observing how his kouhai would react to his words. “But you’re still here, Makoto. Perhaps you’re doing something right.”

“You’re saying I should keep trying to reach out to him?” Makoto asked, sensing a bit of clarity in his mind as he tried to process his senpai’s advice.

“Yes and no,” Nao replied. “You should continue to reach out to him, but perhaps take a different approach.”

Makoto nodded, thinking hard. He realized that Nao was right. It would be more detrimental if Makoto stopped asking Haru to let him in, but if something didn’t work, then don’t do it again; try something new. It was such a simple mindset yet it had slipped Makoto’s mind completely. His mind had been more clouded than he realized. Maybe if he had asked his Nao-senpai for advice they wouldn’t have fought during movie night. But he was grateful nonetheless for the words of wisdom.

“Now, enough of that for now. Help me set the table,” Nao snapped him out of his thoughts, prompting Makoto to help his senpai set up for dinner.

Back on the streets, Haru couldn’t stop staring at the single six-pack in Natsuya’s hand as they walked back to Nao’s apartment. He was itching to ask why he did that; denying himself of having more of something he clearly enjoyed, but he just couldn’t find the right words to say. Haru toughened up however, deciding to just blurt out what was on his mind.

“Why did I return the other ones, you wanna ask, right?” Natsuya beat him to the punch, noticing how his kouhai had been restless for the past five minutes. They stopped walking, cars passing by them as the air seemed to calm down. “You wanna know, right?” Natsuya asked yet again, turning around this time.

“Y-Yeah.”

Natsuya grinned at how his kouhai’s eyes glimmered with confusion. He felt it the whole day: Haru wasn’t much like the normal Haru. And with how Haru reacted to his acts of moderation, Natsuya was having some ideas why. “Tell me honestly, Haru, have you been imbibing in vices?”

Haru’s eyes widened, not of fear but of surprise. “No.”

Natsuya believed him. “Good.” However, he wasn’t convinced that Haru was okay, so he went and asked, “Then why do you wanna know?”

Haru looked down on the ground, unsure of what to say. 

“If you don’t wanna tell me, just say so,” Natsuya declared, trying his best to not be overwhelming to the younger man. He sincerely just wanted to help his kouhai.

“I…” Haru started, but was having a difficult time pushing the words out of his mouth. He was afraid this time; genuinely afraid. He knew deep down that Makoto had been feeling that he was a bit off too, especially since he had been asking over and over about his well-being. Natsuya-senpai was of course inquisitive but was comparatively less pushy. If Haru was being honest, he was having more and more difficult times trying to keep it all bottled in. But Natsuya just stood there with pleading eyes, patiently waiting for Haru to continue. The cars passing by made Haru’s heart beat even more. He felt so alone then and there; so bare, so vulnerable. 

Oh god. Where was Makoto? He needed Makoto. Where was he? Makoto. Please.

Haru didn’t realize it at the time, but he was shaking. He didn’t remember the last time he shook this bad. He was always Haru, that guy who was as cool as blue. He was always the one Rei, Nagisa, and Makoto looked to before a relay tournament because nothing seemed to faze him even in a sports tournament. That was Haru to his friends: a strong pillar. Although sometimes, pillars crumbled from bearing too much. Haru shook when his good friend Rin Matsuoka and him had a falling out, and Haru toppled when he almost gave up on himself when he was feeling left behind in his senior year. Most of all, Haru’s pillar was completely devastated when he and Makoto fought that one summer night over the fates of their future. Haru could still remember how Makoto told him that he was going to a university in Tokyo when Haru had yet to figure out what he was going to do with his life. In this instance, however, Haru was shaking for reasons he wasn’t sure of, unlike the ones before. He was completely and utterly in complete disconnection with his understanding of his own self.

All these thoughts were running so rapidly in his head that before he knew it, warmth enveloped him as Natsuya hugged him tightly. Haru could feel the cold six-pack on his spine, sending him shivers. He was more surprised at his senpai’s gesture, however. Haru didn’t strike Natsuya as this type of person.

“Natsuya-san…?” Haru choked out, not sure what to do.

“I asked you to bring back the three six-packs because I’m trying to fix myself,” Natsuya confessed, voice slightly shaking. “Ikuya and the rest of you helped me see that life is not just what I thought it was. And for that, I thank you.”

Haru didn’t hug back, but he was shaking even more now. “I see,” he managed to squeak out.

“I want you to fix yourself too, Haru,” Natsuya said carefully, not trying to make Haru feel pressured. He pulled away from the hug and stared at his kouhai in the eyes with his hands firm on Haru’s arms. “You’re like a little brother to me,” Natsuya confessed with a smile.

Haru’s knees felt weak at the statement, but Natsuya helped him up. He didn’t cry; strangely, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. But he felt warm. _So warm_. Was this what a sibling’s love was like? Haru had rarely felt such affection in his lifetime. Ikuya was so lucky to have someone like Natsuya who genuinely cared for him. Haru even recognized that Kisumi was a great older brother to little Hayato. And Ran and Ren were so lucky to have Makoto as an older brother. Being an only child, Haru wasn’t too blessed with this, and since his parents weren’t around much either, he couldn’t lay his problems on them too. Friends helped, of course, but Haru always came home to no one. No one greeted him at the door when he came back from school, no one fixed him up some food for dinner, no one drew him a bath when he was tired, and no one wished him good night when he was about to go to bed. Sure, Makoto came by a lot, and he was grateful, but he knew it wasn’t the same. In that house in Iwatobi, it was always just Haru by himself. 

Just Haru. Just one lonely Haru.

_23rd of June_

Makoto had been asleep for a while now. It was fifteen past two in the morning. Haru and Makoto were supposed to rest up after a long day of donating and a very interesting dinner with Nao and Natsuya, but Haru couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep yet again. Instead, he was just staring at Makoto’s sleeping face, basking on how peaceful and beautiful he was. Haru was enticed by how soft Makoto’s eyelashes looked even in the dark, how his nose was so cute and pinchable as a light snore came out of it, how he was on the verge of drooling while he slept with a slightly open mouth. Haru smiled at the sight in front of him, wishing he had more opportunities to see Makoto in this light.

There was a distance between them as Haru hadn’t clung onto Makoto’s shirtsleeve for a couple of nights now, ever since they fought and made up during movie night with Rei and Nagisa; he didn’t want to be dependent on his best friend, but the nights have gone on longer by doing so. His mind raced even more ridiculously at night, thoughts that were good and bad, but mostly on how Natsuya had urged him to try and fix himself. What did he mean by that exactly? Was it because Haru couldn’t bring himself to answer why he was curious about Natsuya’s actions at the store? What did it mean to “fix” oneself anyway? How did one figure out what was wrong with them?

What was wrong with Natsuya? Was it his drinking? Or was it his lack of direction in life? Perhaps both? Regardless of what it was, it was clear that Natsuya had taken steps to remedy them, and Haru was happy for his senpai.

But what was wrong with Haru? What was wrong with himself? He knew who he was: he was the person who was aiming for the Worlds. He was doing okay in school, and he was working hard in his training. He was a person who would go out with his friends whenever they were free. He was a person who enjoyed his mackerel even if others thought it was too much. He liked playing video games with Makoto, and he liked watching movies with Nagisa and Rei. He hung out a lot at Asahi’s sister’s cafe with Kisumi and sometimes Nao. Yes, Haru was all of those things, and he was happy with all of that, so what was wrong with him? Why did people think there was something wrong with him? Was there something wrong with him? What was it? Why couldn’t people just tell him?

Haru felt so frustrated that he didn’t realize he was clutching the sheets hard. He didn’t even realize that he was shaking again, and Makoto had woken up from it. 

“Haru,” Makoto called, voice dry and low. Haru gasped at the pair of green eyes staring at him worriedly. “Haru,” he called yet again, and this time Haru buried his face in the sheets.

“Sorry, I woke you,” Haru mumbled, heart racing but desperately trying to calm himself down. Makoto didn’t respond, but Haru could feel his gaze and this frustrated him even more. “Please, go back to sleep,” he begged, voice on the verge of cracking. 

Makoto didn’t respond again, and another feeling bubbled underneath Haru. Was Makoto ignoring him? Was Makoto tired of him? Was Makoto going to leave? The thought alone made Haru come out of hiding, but he was only greeted with the warmest most welcoming face. Makoto was smiling, but it felt kind of different this time, like it was more of sadness than of anything else.

“I’m right here,” Makoto assured, and Haru’s heart felt significantly lighter, quickly displacing his heavy emotions. He couldn’t help himself, and he went and latched onto Makoto’s body with his. Makoto hugged back, just as tight, and kissed Haru on the forehead. “I’m always here,” he whispered, rubbing soothing circles on Haru’s back.

There was something different about Makoto, Haru had realized. If he was being honest, he was expecting Makoto to grill him again on what was wrong, and Haru was ready to reply with the same monotone “Nothing’s wrong” to him yet again. But this time, strangely, Makoto just let him be but made his presence noticeable. It was weird, but Haru didn’t fight it. Maybe it didn’t matter, and he was thinking too much into it.

Regardless, even if only for this night, the rest of the world didn’t matter to Haru and Makoto. Tonight, it was just them in their own darkness.

_26th of June_

“Thank you so much for helping me out today,” Makoto declared politely, clutching the bags of party decorations near to him while they drove to Asahi’s sister’s cafe, where he planned to surprise Haru for his birthday

“No worries, Makoto,” Rin Matsuoka, a long-time friend of Makoto and Haru, said with a wave in his hand then went back to driving. “Besides, it would be a great opportunity for us to get together after all the things that went down with the world.”

Sousuke Yamazaki, another one of their good friends, hummed in approval. He was seated in the passenger side, but Makoto could clearly see the back of his head since he was so tall—even taller than himself. 

Haru didn’t know where Makoto was today exactly. All he told Haru was that he was helping Rin move in with Sousuke, even though the two had done that a week ago by themselves. Makoto didn’t think his alibi through when Haru immediately wanted to come and help as well, but fortunately, they had a back-up plan to have Nagisa ask Haru to visit the pool with him. They all knew that Haru couldn’t resist a trip to the pool, especially with how much stricter the world has been. In the end, the plan worked, and Makoto had all the time in the world to shop for party supplies all around town with the help of Rin and Sousuke.

Eventually, they arrived at Cafe Marron, Asahi’s sister Akane’s cafe. The three young men carried the party supplies inside, where they found Gou Matsuoka, Rin’s younger sister, and Isuzu Mikoshiba commanding their three little helpers rather aggressively. Asahi by himself was pushing all the tables and chairs to the side to make space in the middle. Momotarou Mikoshiba, Isuzu’s little brother and Rin and Sousuke’s kouhai, was cleaning up the place with a broom while Ai Nitori, another one of their kouhai, was carrying the ingredients for Haru’s birthday to the freezer.

“Come on, Asahi-kun, I know you can move faster than that!” Gou yelled, hands on her hips. Rin merely stared at his sister’s antics, while Makoto chuckled, recollecting how Gou was exactly like this when they were in high school and she was their manager for the swim club. 

Asahi groaned, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” then obliged to push up tables and chairs faster. Gou reminded him of his sister Akane when they were younger, and that shook him to the core a little bit.

“Momotarou, where is your arm power!? Is that all you have to prove to Gou?” Isuzu berated his little brother, putting him in a headlock. “It’s no wonder she won’t go out with you, huh?” Isuzu rubbed salt into the wound, laughing while she rubbed her knuckles on his head.

“Onee-san, you’re so mean! Ow ow ow—!” Momo whined, desperately trying to get out of his sister’s grasp. He really did much prefer it when he was by himself in Iwatobi while both his older siblings were in Tokyo. The top of his head had never not been sore ever since he started going to university in the city. Seijuro and Isuzu did indeed love headlocking their youngest brother. Poor Momo.

Ai stopped in his tracks when he saw that Rin, Sousuke, and Makoto were standing at the door. “Ah, you’re back, Rin-senpai, Sousuke-senpai, Tachibana-san!” But the three remained standing by the door, completely not sure what to do with the chaos in front of them. 

From Makoto’s perspective, he could see that Asahi, Ai, and Momo were begging for help in their eyes. They looked so exhausted being driven by Gou and Isuzu. “W-We should have stayed behind and helped more here. I’m sorry,” Makoto said with a grimace, feeling sorry for the three.

“Don’t be silly, Makoto-senpai! You don’t know how to cook, Sousuke-kun would just get lost in the farmers’ market, and onii-san would be lost without Sousuke-kun,” Gou declared nonchalantly, taking some of the things in Makoto’s hands to put away. Rin reacted visibly to this by blushing, while Sousuke looked away, pretending not to hear anything. 

Makoto knew Gou was right though, since Rin had been a tad bit clingier to Sousuke when he caught the flu a few months ago, thinking it was the worst. Thankfully, it was just that, the flu, and Sousuke recovered in no time. That didn’t change the fact that Rin has himself and others near him clean their hands with sanitizers every now and then, and Makoto was pretty sure he glanced at a handful of extra face masks in his glove compartment. But Makoto was thankful to have someone like Rin be a good example, especially to their younger friends like Nagisa who almost recklessly went out of the house with no face mask on. Boy, did he receive a tongue-lashing from Rin.

“Tachibana-san, would you mind helping me carry the fish into the kitchen?” Ai snapped him out of his thoughts as the shorter silver-haired friend asked politely, clearly struggling to carry the mound of mackerel in his arms—and there was more behind him.

“Ah! Of course, Nitori-kun. Sorry for making you wait!” Makoto hastily replied, and just as quickly helped the younger boy. The gang was still a bit behind in setting up the place for Haru’s birthday, and Makoto knew they had to work even harder to catch up.

A couple of hours later, Makoto slumped into one of the chairs that he and Asahi set up on the side, completely exhausted. Ai and Momo were finishing up hanging the streamers by the bar, while Sousuke and Rin were prepping the food they were going to cook on the day of the party. Isuzu and Gou, contrastingly, were enjoying a nice fruity smoothie while loudly talking about muscles on the other side of the cafe. The sunset lit up the place quite peacefully, and thankfully, working with these people was more of a breeze than Makoto had first expected.

But the olive-haired boy was exhausted, and all he could think about was if Haru would even want a party in the first place. He remembered Haru’s strangled expression at the beginning of the month, and many other instances after that as well. Makoto had figured well enough that Haru was iffy about the thought of his birthday this year, especially when they were in the grocery store and ran into Ikuya. Maybe he didn’t want a party this year? Maybe he just wanted to celebrate silently? Maybe he didn’t want to celebrate at all? Makoto started thinking of cancelling this whole event then and there, but the sight of all his friends working hard to achieve such a beautiful and very Haru-like set-up melted his heart. He remembered how hard Ai and Momo cut out the Iwatobi-chan stickers which Asahi and Isuzu drew by hand. He recalled how Gou and Rin worked hard on blowing up the dolphin inflatables since Haru loved those so much. He even recollected how Sousuke was planning up a very nice dinner for the party that he and Nao would cook on the day of.

No, it was too late to cancel now. Everyone had worked so hard, and Makoto also thought that maybe they needed a bit of celebration in a world full of so much heartache. But at the same time, if this party were to cause Haru heartache, he would be devastated.

“Oi, you look like you’re gonna cry,” Rin surprised Makoto who was lost in his thoughts yet again. There was a look of concern on his face, but he knew that his friend was just worrying about Haru. “Are you alright?”

Makoto slumped even deeper, not really sure if he should voice out his thoughts. But this was Rin in front of him, one of the few people in the world who knew Haru and himself really well. It wasn’t like Makoto could escape Rin in this instance anyway, so he just went and said, “I’m not even sure if Haru wanted to have a party this year.”

Rin stared at the green-eyed boy, carefully observing. He had barely seen his friend in such a state, and he wasn’t sure how to approach it. So he merely observed.

“I didn’t ask him if he wanted one,” Makoto continued, voice dropping lower until it started fading into a whisper. “And he had been acting weird all month.”

Rin sat down opposite Makoto. “But it’s Haru we’re talking about. It’d be weird if he _wasn’t_ acting weird,” he attempted to ease the tension, to which Makoto only responded with a despondent hum.

Makoto turned his head to the side, staring at the setting sun; orange reflected in his glimmering emerald eyes. “I’ve never seen him so sad in his life,” Makoto confessed, heart breaking into a million pieces. “I’ve been trying to reach out, but I can’t seem to get close enough.”

The two were silent afterwards with only the sound of their friends muffled in the background. Rin didn’t know how to feel about not only Haru, but also of his friend right in front of him right now who was on the verge of breaking down in tears. He just stared at Makoto, wanting to reach out and comfort him but couldn’t bring himself to do so. But he knew he had to at least… _try_ . If he was being honest, however, Rin had heard news from Natsuya on how Haru had been recently. There was a sadness in his eyes apparently, and Rin could only wonder if it was the same type of sadness he saw in Haru’s eyes when he fought with Makoto during their senior year. He hadn’t seen Haru in a while since circumstances had made it difficult, but a part of him thought that maybe he should have reached out more to his old friend. Maybe they were too dependent on Makoto taking care of Haru, but then again, they didn’t think that Haru needed to be taken care of at all. He was always the strong one after all. Rin shook his head, knowing there was no remedying what had already been done—or in this case, what had _not_ been done. Rin could reach out now, through Makoto, but before any sound could escape from his mouth, Sousuke placed a hand on his shoulder, ultimately stopping his attempt. How long has he been there? Rin looked at him in confusion, but Sousuke had a half-smile on his face that strangely comforted him, so he let him take the lead.

Sousuke took a nearby chair and sat opposite of the disheartened Makoto and next to the perplexed Rin. “Makoto,” he called, knocking on the wooden table to make Makoto jerk up from his slumped position. When Makoto’s gloomy eyes met Sousuke’s confident ones, the latter said with a full smile, “Haru needs you right now.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, utterly confused, but felt the surge of warmth in his heart at the thought of what Sousuke said. “W-What do you mean—?”

“I’ve been in the same place where Nanase is right now, Makoto,” Sousuke declared, but without a trace of regret in his voice strangely. Rin looked away, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “When I injured my shoulder, I felt empty almost every day. I thought I was done for,” he elaborated. “But when I transferred to Samezuka, I was lucky to have Rin in my life again, and I even got to meet Momo and Ai, and you guys as well.”

Sousuke looked at Rin who was still looking away, but their eyes finally met when Sousuke suddenly grasped his hand in his tightly, not showing signs of letting go anytime soon. It was a warmth that both had become familiar with over the past few years. It was the same warmth that they shared when Sousuke revealed to Rin that he was injured, or when they hugged and basically refused to let go when Rin was to leave for Australia after they graduated high school. It was a warmth that they shared with their kiss when Rin returned to Japan after the rest of the world was threatened with a pandemic. It was a warmth that was exuded in their shared apartment in the middle of the city when their bodies touched between ragged breaths and heated exchanges. It was the warmth of their love; the warmth that saved Sousuke from his darkness.

“It wasn’t an instant process,” Sousuke clarified, holding Rin’s hand tighter underneath the table. “There were more bad days than good, but I tried to distract myself by helping out Ai and the team, and everything was better even if only for a while.”

“He doesn’t like admitting it,” Rin joined in, staring at Makoto with a serious yet welcoming expression. “But when we were roommates in Samezuka, I found him tucked away in the top bunk more than I wanted to.” the red-haired boy looked down at this, reminiscing how saddened he was seeing Sousuke so down in the dumps. “Of course, I wasn’t aware what was bringing him down then...”

“But it didn’t matter,” Sousuke completed Rin’s sentence. “Rin still made the effort to help me up, even when he had no idea what was going on.”

“I just knew he wasn’t okay, and I wanted to help him be okay,” Rin confessed, looking at Sousuke affectionately. “And I’ve been to that place too, you know, when I hit a wall in Australia.”

Makoto gasped, recalling how Rin had a falling out with Haru, Nagisa, and himself a few years back. They weren’t sure what had gotten into Rin when they met him in the formerly abandoned Iwatobi Swim Club out of chance. They were just happy that their friend was back from being overseas, but Rin pushed them away. And like Sousuke said, reaching out to Rin back then wasn’t an instant process as well. There were many attempts and confrontations for the sake of fixing their friendship, and a lot of them didn’t work, but had they given up, they wouldn’t be in this cafe right now speaking after setting up a birthday party for Haru. Makoto was glad that they didn’t give up reaching out to Rin, and he smiled remembering how they swam together in a relay—himself, Haru, Rin, and Nagisa—after so long. They didn’t win the tournament that day—in fact they were disqualified—but they won something more valuable than a trophy. If Makoto could do a redo of that day, he wouldn’t change anything.

“You guys saved me, remember?” Rin asked with a grin, to which Makoto only nodded with a smile while he attempted to not break down in his emotions. “Haru needs you, Makoto,” Rin echoed Sousuke, grinning wider in hopes of giving his friend more confidence to power through.

“You don’t need to know the reason why he’s sad,” Sousuke advised, placing a hand on Makoto’s shoulders. “All you have to do is be there for him, as you have always been.”

With that, Makoto stood up, put his face mask on, thanked Rin and Sousuke, then ran as fast as he could. He apologized to the rest of the gang as he ran out of the door of the cafe without looking back. He ran and ran and ran, navigating the streets of Tokyo expertly. He wanted—no, _needed_ to be right next to Haru now. He wanted to hold him tight in his arms, show him all the love that he could muster. He wanted to protect him with everything he had. In all the time they had been together, Haru had always been the one to protect Makoto from all his fears; from the neighborhood dog to his fear of his ocean. Haru always held his hand and stood in front of him, and Makoto had always felt so safe. Now, it was his turn to make Haru feel safe. He needed to be there now for Haru, so he kept running, even when his breaths had started to become heavier and his legs started to feel like jelly. Anything just to be right next to him. Light and darkness were mixing harmoniously in the sky when Makoto had arrived in front of their doorstep, though he was out of breath and sweating profusely, he didn’t slow down and pushed to open the door.

“Haru!” Makoto called out, voice echoing in the empty apartment. 

There were no traces of Nagisa anymore, making Makoto think that they finished up in the pool earlier than he thought. He heard the water running in the bathroom, and ran yet again, and opened the door. As soon as he did, Haru’s raven-haired head popped up from underneath the tub, and Makoto didn’t realize that tears had been running down his face. Haru shook the water out of his head, baring the same annoyed expression he had whenever Makoto barged in his bath time, but the said expression had been quickly replaced with a mixture of shock, confusion, and sadness when he saw his best friend’s eyes wet with tears. Neither young men said a word when Makoto walked forward and reached his hand out to Haru, like he had been doing so for the past decade or so; a gesture that had solidified in their habits as much as their now unbreakable bond.

“Come on, Haru-chan,” Makoto said with a smile that could light up the whole city, tears still falling down his cheeks.

Haru reached out to it carefully, hands shaking from confusion. He had so many questions in his head, but strangely, all he really wanted to do was take Makoto’s hand, and so he did. His cold hand warmed up quickly inside Makoto’s, and as soon as he stood up, his whole body was enveloped in Makoto’s hug.

“O-Oi, your clothes are gonna get we—“ Haru was stopped with a kiss; a deep one at that. A kiss that immediately alleviated all previous confusion and anxiety. A kiss that told Haru that he was safe with Makoto, come hell or high water. A kiss that made him close his eyes and relish how Makoto felt against his lips. 

And he kissed back, pulling Makoto closer, not wanting to let go of the boy who had been there for him his entire life. The boy who greeted him every morning, and bid good night at the end of the day. The boy who stood by him in all his ups and downs, and in all of their misunderstandings. The boy who held him tight at night whenever he was cold and felt alone. The boy who he had his first time with, sloppy and awkward, but beautiful all the same. This boy in front of him, who was now a young man, was indeed his first and only love. This was Makoto; _his Makoto_.

“I’m here,” Makoto whispered as they pulled away, still smiling but no longer crying. “I’m here, Haru-chan. I’m here,” he repeated over and over as he kissed Haru’s cheek, forehead, neck—each peck overflowing with love.

“You are,” Haru smiled, closing his eyes then leaning his body towards him. “I know you are.”

_27th of June_

They made love all night. Their clothes were scattered all over their bedroom floor, and the smell of heated exchanges was still in the air. Haru lied awake, staring at Makoto’s beautiful face. He still wasn’t sure what came over Makoto when he came home with his emotions overflowing, but for the first time in a while, Haru wasn’t overthinking it. He was, by all his definitions, happy.

“I love you,” Haru whispered without a second thought to a sleeping Makoto, kissing him on the lips, then snuggled up next to him to fall asleep in his arms.

It was such a simple sentence, and Haru and Makoto had exchanged those very three simple words before, but if Makoto had been awake to actually hear Haru say it, he would probably light up like the stars in the sky. They were more expressive of these words in gestures; it was heard more in how they moved rather than in their voices. It could be heard whenever Makoto offered Haru his hand whenever they were about to get out of the pool. It could be heard when Haru served Makoto his meal, or when Makoto washed all the dishes so Haru could sit back and relax after eating. Their friends could hear it clearly whenever they see the two bickering about the tiniest of things, mostly about how Haru stripped too much in public or how Makoto couldn’t say no to anyone. It could even be heard when they weren’t in each other’s space; like how Makoto always left a note whenever he was about to go to his part-time job while Haru was still asleep, or how Haru always laid out Makoto’s clothes for the day when he had to go out before sunrise for his training.

Haru heard it clearly just some time ago tonight, when he and Makoto were one. He heard it in every single kiss; in every single sound of pleasure out of their mouths. He heard it when Makoto took care of him afterwards, cleaning him up and tucking him back to bed with a deep and passionate kiss good night.

Haru was hearing it now while his head was against Makoto’s chest, the sound of his heartbeat repeatedly shouting to the world how much the man beside him was deeply and irreversibly in love with him. And he loved him back. He loved Makoto; he was Haru’s, and Haru was his.

_30th of June_

Haru was awoken on the day of his birthday with Makoto kissing his arm. When the taller boy had noticed this, he grinned, and said, “Happy birthday, Haru-chan.”

The blue-eyed boy was more annoyed than affectionate at Makoto’s greeting, most likely due to the fact that it interrupted a really good dream about Haru being a merman when he was submerged in water. He could even turn into a water shield if he wanted to. But Makoto had to go and wake him up. 

“Just so you know, Nagisa greeted me first,” Haru informed him, recalling a very colorful text message from his kouhai that he received at exactly 12:01 AM. Makoto had passed out by then, even when he promised to wait until midnight, but they just got back from another donation drive which went longer than usual, resulting in the taller boy falling asleep as soon as he hit the pillow.

“I should have known,” Makoto giggled, not really bothered by it. “What kind of boyfriend am I?”

Haru rolled his eyes, “A really bad one, I think.” He then proceeded to cover up in his comforter fully, stopping any more attempts of Makoto’s little kisses. “Maybe I _should_ have dated Nagisa instead,” he added, showing a very rare cheeky side of himself which Makoto adored so dearly. Underneath the sheets, however, Haru was blushing and his heart was beating fast.

Makoto simply hummed, snaking his hand underneath the covers, and slowly pulling it down, revealing a flustered Haru. He could have jumped him right then and there, but they liked playing their little games.

“Then we should break up now, huh?” Makoto jokingly said while feigning a sad face, kissing Haru in his neck, eliciting a soft sound of pleasure from the raven-haired young man. “How about something to remember me by?” he asked, showing his very rare side of unabashed flirtatiousness.

Haru blushed even deeper, and his beating heart couldn’t hold back any longer, pulling Makoto closer as the taller boy’s lips travelled lower and lower as he played with the hem of his shorts.

“Stupid Makoto,” Haru whispered, hypnotized by each electrifying kiss, giving in completely to Makoto’s touch.

A little while later in the day, Haru and Makoto were walking in the city. Makoto was rambling on and on about his part-time job, but Haru knew he was doing that so he could distract him from where they were actually going. He could tell by the countless times Makoto has stuttered while telling his stories, and on the nth time he did, Haru just had to save Makoto before he embarrassed himself even more.

“You can stop pretending, Makoto, I know you planned a surprise birthday party for me,” Haru said, voice deadpan. “Even if I didn’t ask for one.” 

It was obvious to Haru that they were walking in the direction of Cafe Marron even if Makoto tried to cover it up with some outrageous lie. Haru knew they weren’t really going to go coat-shopping in the middle of summer. Makoto seriously needed to learn to lie better, in his opinion.

“Ah, Haru! You could have at least pretended to be surprised for my sake,” Makoto whined, shaking Haru back and forth in annoyance.

“What a drag,” Haru groaned back, looking away but both young men were still walking towards the cafe. “It’s my birthday today, and you’re treating me like a ragdoll.”

Makoto chuckled at Haru’s complaint, then sheepishly apologized. “But you _are_ gonna act surprised, right? You know Nagisa would mope all night if you didn’t.”

Haru sighed, “Fine.”

It was a promise that Makoto knew Haru couldn’t keep, but there was no turning back now since the cafe was in sight. When Makoto let Haru open the door, their friends came out of their hiding spots to surprise Haru. Rin and Sousuke were holding a pool-themed cake with a mini-Haru riding a dolphin decoration in icing which Nao and Gou worked hard in baking all morning. Nagisa and Momo were obnoxiously blowing on horns while Rei, Asahi, Ai and Kisumi popped the confettis. Natsuya had turned on the strobe lights as soon as Haru walked in while Isuzu was filming on a video camera and Ikuya was taking pictures of Haru with his best impression of a surprised face—which was a weird and awkward smile for some reason.

Rin caught up to Haru’s expression, and yelled in annoyance, “This little—He already knew about it, didn’t he!?”

“Wah, Mako-chan? You gave it away?” Nagisa moped, as Makoto had predicted. Makoto could only stand and smile awkwardly when in fact he did try his best to make it a surprise. Haru was simply too smart.

What caught everyone off-guard, however, was Haru’s little laugh. It was tiny, miniscule even, but they all heard it and it warmed their hearts. “Thank you for this, everyone,” Haru said sincerely, walking up to his birthday cake.

“Make a wish, Haru,” Makoto whispered, watching expectantly along with everyone else. Haru looked back at him and smiled, then blew his candles. Everyone cheered for Haru afterwards, and the party had begun.

It was quite a party indeed. It started when Momo and Nagisa brought out a karaoke machine and performed a duet of _Rain on Me_ complete with choreography and wigs. Then Nao and Sousuke brought out the food they had been cooking the entire afternoon to which everyone, especially Haru, enjoyed delightly. Things got a little bit heated though when eternal rivals Rin, Ikuya, and Haru had a little contest on who could eat the most mackerel in under a minute. Of course, Haru won that one, and both Rin and Ikuya swore off mackerel for the rest of their life afterwards. It was meaningful when Natsuya-senpai offered Haru a non-alcoholic drink, and they cheered to that; to their progress. Of course, not everyone went strictly non-alcoholic that night. Rei may have had a little too much when he started belting out a Celine Dion song to the inflatable dolphin, but Kisumi and Asahi had a lot of laughs and Instagram Stories over it, all of which Rei would regret in the morning along with his hangover. Ikuya even video chatted with Hiyori so he could greet Haru in real time. Haru had also caught up with Ai, Gou, and Isuzu during the course of the party. Makoto saw all of it, and he was happy that Haru was happy.

That was all that mattered: Haru’s happiness.

Later into the night, Haru had received his gifts from everyone at the party. Rin and Sousuke got him some running shoes, commenting on how Haru needed to do land training more, to which Haru simply said he would best Rin at it. It may or may not have led to bickering. Nagisa, Rei, and Gou got him an Iwatobi-chan stuffed toy, something that immediately lit up Haru’s eyes when he tore off the gift wrapping. Asahi and Kisumi apparently gathered some heartfelt thank you notes and birthday greetings from all the people they donated, and Haru promised the two that they would continue to donate more together. Ikuya and Hiyori pitched in to get Haru some new swim trunks, and they made sure to get it in Haru’s favorite color so he would actually wear them. Isuzu promised to piece together a really cool birthday video with all the footage she got so far, while Momo and Ai got Haru the sequel to that weird underwater fish game he really loved. Natsuya and Nao gave Haru something a bit more domestic: new cookware, but Haru accepted it gratefully, thinking of all the mackerel he could cook with them.

Lastly, there was Makoto’s gift. Nagisa even made a whole event out of it, clanging his cake knife onto his soda glass like someone was about to make a toast in the wedding. Makoto thought that was a little too much, but unfortunately, everyone else followed suit, even the drunk Rei. Makoto blushed, hiding his relatively small gift behind his large frame, but Haru, who was seated by the bar right next to Rin and Sousuke, gave his lover an encouraging smile.

Makoto took a deep breath, then brought out a rectangular gift to show everyone. He walked to Haru and gave him his gift with an affectionate, “Happy birthday, Haru-chan.”

Haru looked at him, admitting that he was slightly confused, but went and tore the gift wrapping anway. What revealed itself to Haru was a fragment of an old memory; an old drawing with colorful crayons in a frame depicting two small boys: one raven-haired, the other olive-haired. The two boys were holding hands in front of a crudely drawn picture of the Earth, and on top was sloppily written in even more colorful crayons: “Mako-chan and Haru-chan against the world.”

“I found it when I was moving in,” Makoto confessed with a warm smile. “Do you remember when we drew this, Haru?”

How could Haru forget? It was back in kindergarten, and their teacher asked them to draw about their dreams in life. Haru guessed that the teacher was expecting them to draw themselves as doctors or firefighters or astronauts, but they were surprised when he and Makoto asked if they could work on it together, which they did. Why did they ask to work on it together? Because they shared the same dream: the two of them taking on the world together. Most importantly, Haru remembered how he was at such a young age. He was already so strong, even if he knew nothing of the world whatsoever. He didn’t know how scary it was gonna be, but he knew the world was way bigger than him alone, so maybe taking it on with Makoto would make it easier. The thought of such childlike wonder lifted Haru’s spirits, thinking if there was anything he could say to his younger self, it would be to always find his strength.

Right now, his strength was in the form of a tall boy with beautiful green-eyes and soft olive hair, blushing and smiling like a dummy as he watched Haru hold the framed drawing from their childhood.

“Of course I do,” Haru responded, heart about to jump out of his chest. “I love it, thank you.” Haru jumped from his seat and gave Makoto a passionate kiss before hugging him tightly. Makoto laughed, a little bit surprised at Haru being more expressive than usual, but he let it be.

Rin was tearing up on the side, while Sousuke watched with a smile. Nao and Natsuya were watching from the other side of the bar, thinking about how fast Makoto and Haru had grown up. Nagisa was actually crying with a hyper-emotional Rei due to being inebriated. Gou and Isuzu were hugging each other tightly, squealing at the sight, whilst Momo and Ai watched in amazement. Asahi had his arms wrapped on Kisumi while he was taking a video, and Ikuya was taking pictures of this moment with sincere admiration of Haru and Makoto’s love for each other.

And Haru was in the arms of his lover; his soulmate, _his Makoto._ Haru wouldn’t have this moment any other way.

And the story could end there, basking in the glow of a happy ending. It could end with the image of happy faces, pretty lights, and in a room full of laughter. But Makoto knew as Sousuke said: this wasn’t an instant process.

_1st of July_

The moonlight illuminated their apartment as Haru sat on their sofa, staring at the birthday greetings on his phone. He put it aside as he finished thanking all of them, then stared at the mound of gifts he got from his party, more so at the framed drawing hanging on the wall. If Haru moved a little bit, he could still feel the pulsating music in his feet, and he could still see the flashing lights in his eyes. He could still smell the food and could still remember all the pictures they took. He had fun. He knew he had fun. It was a fun birthday party—an unforgettable one even.

So... why was he crying? Haru didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand himself at that moment, but he couldn’t stop his tears from flowing. He couldn’t comprehend why his hands were shaking when they stared at them. He couldn’t choke back his sobs, and he couldn’t bear to look at Makoto when he came out of the bedroom as he heard and quickly wrapped him in a hug.

Haru was so ashamed, he thought he was happy today. He thought he had finally overcome his demons but—

“Shh. It’s okay,” Makoto cooed, rubbing his back gently. “It’s okay.”

“M-Makoto, I—“ Haru sobbed. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s okay, Haru-chan. We’ll figure it out together,” he assured, tears threatening to fall as well, but he fought back. He needed to be strong for Haru, especially since it was extremely rare to see him in tears. “It’s okay, you can let it out.”

Haru didn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried; it must have been so long ago, because he had forgotten how it felt. He forgot what it felt like to have tears stream down your face; how refreshing it could be. The last time was so long ago that he had thought that crying brought nothing but pain, but somehow, in this instance, it brought him comfort. Maybe he wasn’t crying because he was sad, but because he was happy. He was happy that he was so lucky to be loved by so many people that they cared enough to show their concern through their little ways. Haru didn’t comment on it, but he had noticed that his friends had been looking after his well-being the whole night, whether it was a simple offer of a glass of water or performing one of his favorite songs. They were small gestures but they meant the world to Haru, even if he only realized it now.

So even as he continued to cry in Makoto’s arms, a small smile managed to reveal itself through it all, and Makoto saw it with his own two eyes. This urged Makoto to hug Haru tighter, upkeeping his promise of never leaving Haru alone ever again.

Eventually, Haru’s sobs died down, and they were left cuddling in the dark. None of them said anything, both feeling that words weren’t needed. Makoto could still hear tiny sniffles from Haru, so he continued soothing his back. And they just laid there in the moonlight, comfortable with each other.

“Makoto,” Haru called out in a hush.

“Hm? What is it, Haru-chan?” Makoto asked gently, kissing his forehead.

“Next year, I’m not gonna cry anymore,” Haru promised with conviction, holding Makoto’s hand. “I’m going to greet the month of June with a happy face.”

Makoto smiled, stifling a small chuckle, admiring Haru for his determination. “I believe in you, Haru,” he assured, knowing deep down inside, he would help Haru through this every step of the way.

Haru looked up to him, leaning in closer. “But until then, you’ll stay with me, right?” Haru asked, a silent begging in his eyes.

Makoto smiled, then kissed Haru deeply, flowing all of his affection in one gesture. Then, he stared at him just as deep, almost into Haru’s soul as green met blue. As an oath, he declared, “I’m always here.”

Much later, Makoto and Haru had fallen asleep with their hands interlocked as the sun started to rise on the first day of July. 

_“Farewell, June. Next year, I will be strong again.”_

**Author's Note:**

> To ebonynemesis, I hope you didn’t mind that I went more angsty than you requested, and that the SouRin was only at the end. To be quite honest, this was based off of my experiences this month since my birthday was also at the end of June.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this one! And again, happiest birthday to our Haru-Chan!
> 
> Oh, and I also made a really short playlist that is inspired by this story, if you’re into that! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3XvfoaYf2C1ylZHMuOTwaE?si=Eyi-s26iSxu_oj--Sw5UVg


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